I Choose Mother

So I've totally neglected my blog lately. I've had an idea for a post for a while, but just found the time to write it up, yes at 2:30 am just after feeding Kaelyn her mid-night snack. Just kidding my life isn't THAT busy, but I've just been putting this off too long.

I still remember that dreadful afternoon. My first year of college was coming to a close and I sat on my twin bed in tears because "they" were making me declare a major. "They" said it wasn't set in stone, most college students change their majors 3 or 4 times. That just didn't set well with me. What was the point of declaring something if you didn't really mean it? I called my mom hoping that she would just tell me what to put down, what I should gear my education towards. I remember wanting to be able to say, "A mother! I've always wanted to be a mom, its all I've always wanted to be. Its the only profession I've ever considered." (Except dance teacher, but I hadn't danced since 6th grade so that really was no longer an option) But I couldn't declare that as my major, or could I have?, I should have. Any how after a long conversation with mom I finally decided on "Physical Therapy". What a relief it was to finally get that out of my way, and to have more direction in the courses I would need to complete over the next few years.

That decision helped set the course for the next few years of my life, and in a way bring me closer to my life's goal of being a mom. In my mind it only made sense for me to go to the University of Utah after I graduated from Jr College. It was the only school in the state that had a Physical Therapy program, and I would have a better chance of getting in if I did. It didn't even take a full semester at the U for me to decide that PT school wasn't what I wanted to do, but I'm grateful for the initial desire I had to do it, because it got me where I needed to be. To make a long story short, I met Wayne and we got married, and none of it would have happened had I not gone to the University of Utah.

So now to this mother business. On one of our drives home when Kaelyn was still in the hospital I made a promise to myself, and then I had to report it to Wayne so I would have some accountability. I promised that I would, "Never complain about being a mother." If it has anything to do with my children and the care I am privileged to provide them, I will not complain. Yes, I understand very well that being a mom is the hardest job in the world, but I also understand that we can find joy in anything in life. Sometimes we have to look REALLY hard to see it, but it is always there. I feel like children are on loan to us from Heavenly Father, and we have to report to him on how we raised His Little ones. I'm so grateful for the blessing of being a mother is in my life, and so grateful for the lessons I learned about motherhood while Kaelyn was in the hospital. It helped get me to a place where I could say, "Whatever she needs from me, I will do it." I love her so much, and am grateful for every second I get to spend with her. Even when those seconds are in the wee hours of the morning and I'm spilling milk all over the both of us while putting it in her feeding tube.