I Choose Mother

So I've totally neglected my blog lately. I've had an idea for a post for a while, but just found the time to write it up, yes at 2:30 am just after feeding Kaelyn her mid-night snack. Just kidding my life isn't THAT busy, but I've just been putting this off too long.

I still remember that dreadful afternoon. My first year of college was coming to a close and I sat on my twin bed in tears because "they" were making me declare a major. "They" said it wasn't set in stone, most college students change their majors 3 or 4 times. That just didn't set well with me. What was the point of declaring something if you didn't really mean it? I called my mom hoping that she would just tell me what to put down, what I should gear my education towards. I remember wanting to be able to say, "A mother! I've always wanted to be a mom, its all I've always wanted to be. Its the only profession I've ever considered." (Except dance teacher, but I hadn't danced since 6th grade so that really was no longer an option) But I couldn't declare that as my major, or could I have?, I should have. Any how after a long conversation with mom I finally decided on "Physical Therapy". What a relief it was to finally get that out of my way, and to have more direction in the courses I would need to complete over the next few years.

That decision helped set the course for the next few years of my life, and in a way bring me closer to my life's goal of being a mom. In my mind it only made sense for me to go to the University of Utah after I graduated from Jr College. It was the only school in the state that had a Physical Therapy program, and I would have a better chance of getting in if I did. It didn't even take a full semester at the U for me to decide that PT school wasn't what I wanted to do, but I'm grateful for the initial desire I had to do it, because it got me where I needed to be. To make a long story short, I met Wayne and we got married, and none of it would have happened had I not gone to the University of Utah.

So now to this mother business. On one of our drives home when Kaelyn was still in the hospital I made a promise to myself, and then I had to report it to Wayne so I would have some accountability. I promised that I would, "Never complain about being a mother." If it has anything to do with my children and the care I am privileged to provide them, I will not complain. Yes, I understand very well that being a mom is the hardest job in the world, but I also understand that we can find joy in anything in life. Sometimes we have to look REALLY hard to see it, but it is always there. I feel like children are on loan to us from Heavenly Father, and we have to report to him on how we raised His Little ones. I'm so grateful for the blessing of being a mother is in my life, and so grateful for the lessons I learned about motherhood while Kaelyn was in the hospital. It helped get me to a place where I could say, "Whatever she needs from me, I will do it." I love her so much, and am grateful for every second I get to spend with her. Even when those seconds are in the wee hours of the morning and I'm spilling milk all over the both of us while putting it in her feeding tube.

My Project...

Is finally complete.

Back when we found out we were pregnant we went crib shopping. We found a cute crib for a great price. At the time I also saw a cute quilt/bumper/crib skirt set that I wanted to buy. Wayne refused. He wouldn't let me spend as much on that stuff as we did the crib itself. I guess I have to agree with his logic. So I kept an eye out for a set that I liked that didn't cost so much, no luck.

A few weeks later a friend Jean sent us this cute cute quilt and I decided to decided to use it as the theme to decorate Kaelyn's room. I liked that it had so many different colors, especially the pink and green combo.

Later I found some cute upholstery fabric that I thought would go wonderfully. And to top it all off I found an old crib bumper at a random yard sale I decided to stop at for 50 cents. I took off the old fabric covering and used the batting as a starting point. Throw it all together and what to you get? My first sewing project in four years. I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out. Just don't look too close, I compare my sewing to a drunk man trying to walk a straight line. It took a couple of all nighters to finish and many pin wounds, but I cut the cost of it all in HALF. My measurements were a little off on the amount of fabric I needed, so I have enough to make some other stuff...let me know if you have any ideas? I've considered curtains but not quite sure about that one.

I'm not the most crafty person, but I would like to be. Its just one of those things that I don't do very much. If I had the choice between a scrap booking party and a volleyball game I choose volleyball. I'm sure when I get to spend more time at home with Kaelyn I'll pick up a few more projects. Next up...Her scrapbook.

The Beginning Stages

The Finished Product

The First Visiting Angel

Our first week at Primary Children's hospital we met a family who's little guy was next to Kaelyn. They are awesome parents, next to their son's bedside all day. We became friends and were so happy for them when they finally got to take their little guy home. One day the mom gave us the Knitted Angel you see laying on Kaelyn's bed along with a story about her, "Reminda, the First Visiting Angel". Here is her story;

"Occasionally in this life we may find ourselves engulfed in challenges or trials that seem to need more angelic help than other times do. One such day was many years ago as a family sat in a hospital waiting room waiting for their father to come out of surgery. Sometimes they just sat, sometimes they held hands, sometimes they closed their eyes and seemed to drift away - if only for a moment. All the while a fellow waiting room patron sat in the corner crocheting. Many hours passed. Someone came into the room and spoke to the crocheting woman and left. She gathered up her things and looked as though she was preparing to leave. Instead, she came over to the waiting family and handed them a faceless angel.

"I want you to have this," she said. "It is to remind you that you always have angels around you - even when you can't see them. When your times are better you can pass this angel on to someone else to remind them that they, too, have angels with them." Then she left.

The mother found great comfort in the reminder. She kept the angel in a visible place in her home and every time she saw it she was reminded of the angels that were there.

Some years later her dear friend was diagnosed with cancer. What to do! What to do! What can you do in a situation like that? So, of course, she made some brownies, grabbed the faceless angel and went for a visit. Then she sat and listened...and listened..and listened.

The brownies were quickly eaten and forgotten but the angel was given a new face that day.

The Visiting Angel went through surgery and chemo and many months of recuperation. You could sometimes see her sitting on the sofa but usually you would find her lying on the pillow on the bed.

Many months later she went to visit another family whose very young father was given only a few short months to live. After that, she went full circle when she came back to her first home for, ironically, surgery, cancer treatment and recovery. Again she lay on the pillow and served as a "Reminda" of the attending angels.

Next Reminda went to visit a home that had experienced significant loss with the death of a family member. She stayed for many months on the back of the chaise lounge where she was a daily and sometimes hourly reminder of the angels that were there.

Months later she went to visit with a family experiencing what seemed to be an insurmountable loss. She was held and touched and did her reminder job very well.

Then she visited with a family that needed comfort following life saving surgery for their daughter, surgery that will help but not cure. Each time she has sat in a different place and given comfort in many different ways. As angels do, she has never asked for anything in return. Each time she has been given away she has allowed the giver to become an angel herself. Reminda has done an excellent job at helping people remember the angels among us."

Now Reminda lays her head on Kaelyn's crib. She is a daily reminder that there are indeed Angels surrounding that little girl. I have felt them near and know they are protecting her and helping us through this journey. When the day comes that we bring Kaelyn home, I will pass the angel on to someone else who needs her to help them get through whatever they may be facing.

Just look at that little squirt, all dressed up and no where to go :)

The Wooden Bowl

I just got this email and I thought it was good enough to pass on. I'll comment after.

"I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. 'We must do something about father,' said the son. 'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.

Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded, 'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up. ' The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..' I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands.You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

Jeana says - Its amazing how much our behavior would change if we just took a minute to imagine someone else treating us the way we are treating others in a given moment. Oh what a different world we would be living in. This story reminded me of that today, I'm glad.

George Strait Concert

Kristen's mom, Polly was so nice and gave us her tickets to the George Strait concert. We had a great time! Wayne wore his boots, cowboy shirt and belt buckle, but decided to forgo the had because it was so hot and he didn't want it to stick to his head. I couldn't believe how many people were there, the place was packed. Who knew there were so many George fans here in the valley?

I had never been to Usana Amphitheater before, it was really cool. I have only been to one other concert and it was at Saltair...don't recommend it. It was really loud, cramped and hot, we had to leave early because we just couldn't stand up anymore. I told Wayne if I ever went to another concert I would want to be outside so it wasn't so loud and we could sit on the grass. That's exactly what we got and it was perfect! Great setting and even better music. Wayne's pretty anti-listening to country music, but he was impressed. He said he respected George for playing the guitar while singing and how gracious he was towards his band, he took about five minutes to introduce each of them. It was quite the band, like 11 people and all of them were from either Texas or Nashville. We even got to sit by some of our Taylor/Buxton family for a while until they decided they needed to sit 30 feet closer:)

Yesterday I told Wayne that I bet George has a sweet house/ranch and boy was I right. Here is the aerial view...I also found this article that talked about him. I think that is why I like him so much. He's a real cowboy that sings country music and doesn't seem to get too caught up in the fame of it. He's a great entertainer, but he is still just a country boy from Texas. I'm sure that's why my Grandma liked him so much too, and the fact that he's a great singer with tons of great songs.

Thanks so much Polly & Kristen, we really appreciated it. It was a wonderful way to spend our Friday night. It was cool too because we could see Primary Children's all lit up on the hill, so we could keep an eye on Kaelyn from clear across the valley :)

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4 years...but who's counting?

Last Tuesday was our 4 year anniversary. My how time flies when you're having fun. Its crazy to look back and think about all that we've been able to do in the last four years, and even more exciting to look forward to what the future holds for us.

On Saturday we went back to the place where Wayne proposed to me, we've decided to make a tradition of doing that every year around our anniversary! He proposed to me at the site where the Draper Temple was going to be built and then we went up to the South Mountain Golf course and had dinner at the club house. Its one of the most beautiful views of the valley. If you look at the glass behind us you can see part of it. Then to top the night off I took Wayne to Transformers. He liked it, and I got a great 3 hour nap, I'm telling you if they are going to make the movie theater seats so soft and comfy, then I am going to sleep :) He was okay with me snoozing, but he just said that if I was going to sleep I had to sleep through the whole thing, not just the "best" part like I did in the first Transformers. ha ha. And sleep through it all I did.

Also, I just had to show off my cute toe nails. Dari, a friend from work took me to get a pedicure and I just love them!

Kaelyn's Blog

Wayne started a new blog today for our daughter Kaelyn. This way we can try to keep everyone posted on how she's doing. Feel free to visit often, we'll try to keep it updated day to day.

http://feistykaelyn.blogspot.com/

Happy Fathers Day

Thanks for being the best Dad in the whole wide world. Can't wait till I'm big and get to play with you.

Love Kaelyn

Kaelyn is Here

Well she just couldn't wait any longer, and I'll admit I'm glad shes here, even if its a little earlier than we expected...not that we really expected anything, its been up in the air for quite a while as to how long she could wait. I'm sooo grateful for the past 5 weeks that she's been able to grow and mature inside of me. I woke up Saturday morning with some pretty severe abdominal pain so we came into the hospital about 10:30 a.m. and after trying to figure out what was going on with me and monitoring her, we knew it was time for her to come. They diagnosed me with preclampsia and her blood flow from the placenta was pretty bad, so it was time for her to come for both her and me.

She is a whopping 1 lb 11 oz and 13 inches long. I thought it was pretty cool that she was born on June 13th, I've always loved the number thirteen...I consider it my lucky number, so now I can share it with my daughter. She is sooo tiny and cute. We're able to walk over to the NICU and hangout with her whenever we want. She's so amazing, and so are the amazing people and technology that are taking care of her. Last night I got to hold her while they changed her bedding, which was a real special treat. She is in an isolet so when we go over there we can reach in and touch her. I feel really lucky that I get to see her, people might think its really hard not having her here with me all the time, but I just think that we are lucky because she wasn't technically suppose to be here for a month and a half, so we are getting lots of sneak peaks. Its so nice to have her here, and to not have to wonder if she was going to make it. She is here and in great hands. She came out breathing on her own which is amazing. She is as mature as a 33 week old, just really small. Everyone we talk to at the NICU says she is a "fiesty" one, that is definitely good, she'll need it.

I'm feeling pretty good, they say I was pretty sick with the preclampsia and what not, but I haven't felt too bad. I've been able to get up and walk around today and SHOWER, which is so nice. I know all the prayers that have been said for us are taking care of us. There is no other explaination for it. Thanks so much for all your love and support. Wayne is doing good too, he is such an amazing Dad. He asks lots of questions and has learned a lot about our little girl and what she is doing. He is also taking care of me and sleeping on the couch/chair thing at the hospital. He's been with me and Kaelyn every step of the way. I know I couldn't do this without him, he is the most amazing person I know.

Here are some pictures we've been able to take.

Holding Daddy's hand right after delivery

In all her purple last night. She even has the binkie to match. Her hair is strawberry blonde.

Sporting Daddy's wedding ring.

Next to the Spoon

Click here to see her all of her photos so far

32 Weeks and Counting

(picture requested by my bud "prego", who is not prego, nor has ever been prego...yet :))

So yea this is what I look like these days. Just busting a gut... Yea that ice cream really kicked in. Anyone know of a good place to find cute, comfortable maternity tee shirts...I'm getting a little sick of the 5 shirts I wear every week, but don't want to spend more than $10 a shirt! Help :)

Yes that is my messy office, it looks like a tornado came through. If you look close you can see the bed I made myself under my desk...I had a rough day last week and it took all the energy I had to crawl under there. Thanks for the idea George Castanza!

Props to the Man

So I'm really going out a limb here...admitting to something that I'm pretty sure NO ONE knows about me. Not even Wayne or my Mom. I LOVE GEORGE STRAIT. There it is, I got it out. Why is this so hard for her to admit you may ask? Well I'm not one to brag about being a country girl from the sticks. When I was a kid I always wished I lived somewhere a little bigger. Now looking back I would never change growing up in Neola (yes that is a town..approx 800 people), it will always be home, but I just never really got into the whole country girl gig my madre wanted for me. I was too scared of horses to be a cow girl and working on a farm just was not fun at all. I swore I would never marry a cowboy...and that I didn't.

But don't worry, my mom is trying to make him one. She has provided him with a Cowboy hat, cowboy jeans, a cowboy belt, a big ole belt buckle (that he wears pretty much every day), bonified cowboy boots and last but not least - horse riding lessons that he was bucked off the horse while my mom was leading it around in a circle on a rope. That was his favorite part, she told him not to tell me because I would never let him ride again, but I figure its not any more dangerous than the things he does on the snowboard, wakeboard and skateboard. Anyway he does make a pretty cute cowboy, I'm just glad he's not really one and I don't have to take care of a farm and animals! If you could only see the cowboy strut I taught him...its pretty hilarious if I do say so myself.

So back to George Strait, he was just honored with Country Artist of the Decade and I'm watching a two hour special right now on CBS. I've just always loved his music, I remember listening to it with my Grandma Leavitt when I was young. So there's the one thing I will admit about being just a little bit of a country girl...deep deep down inside. You go George, you're the Man!

Thanks

(Picture stolen from Chels, "the crow", hope she doesn't mind :)

First I want to thank all of you for your loving words and prayers. I can't even begin to express how much they have helped us through this difficult time. Most days I'm amazed at how well I seem to be holding up, but I know its not me who's holding things together, because seriously I'm not that strong. Through your prayers I've felt the Savior's arms wrap around me and bring me comfort and peace. Yesterday was pretty rough, with every doctor's appointment, ultrasound, EKG our little girl's situation seems to unravel more and more, and appear worse and worse. Our biggest concern right now is that she is not growing the way she should. Its going to take a miracle to get her here, and then many more miracles to keep her. Please pray for us, we need it more than ever now. And if you have little ones, hold them extra tight tonight, just because you can. :)

Couldn't think of a title...

This is a posts that I feel like I need to write, whether its for myself or someone else. Its one of those posts you don't ever imagine yourself writing and there's really no way to go about it, so I'm just going to do it.

Some of you may already be aware, most of you probably have no idea. In the past couple of months Wayne and I have found out that our pregnancy and baby are not exactly what we expected. We are both doing really well, but of course there are some hard things that we have to deal with. Our little girl, Kaelyn Ruth, has been diagnosed with Down Syndrome. Along with that she has a pretty serious heart defect that will require surgery when she is around 4-6 months old. She's also really small, we've been told that is typical with babies with Down Syndrome and we've also been told its not...I liked the answer that it was typical, so I'm going with that. We're really excited to get our little girl here, but the medical complications she may or may not have are the scariest part. We've felt so much strength and comfort through the prayers of our loved ones. My testimony has grown so much during this time. I know my Heavenly Father loves his children so much and that he is always with us. I'm grateful for this time that we have to prepare for Kaelyn to get here, I know it will help us get through the tough times.

I'm grateful for the support we have around us. One of the biggest realization that I'm come to in the past few months is that people everywhere are going through some really hard things. Whether they are medical issues, addictions, loss of loved ones, or something else...its all hard. I just wish I would have been more aware of people's sufferings and helped them more. When life seems to be going just as planned, that's an easy thing to forget. I don't ever want to forget, I want to remember so that I can try to support those around me when they are suffering, just like I've been supported so many times. Another thing I've realized is that we can't take anything for granted, especially healthy children. My eyes have been opened to all the children out there that have medical issues, I was just so blind to it before. I wish I would have said more prayers for those children and their families. If I could give anyone any advice, it would be to treasure the health of your children and the health of your family members. It is so fragile.

Thank You UNC!

Since North Carolina advanced to the championship game, I WIN THE BRACKET AT WORK! Who hoo! Now I get to decide where I want to get my $25 gift card from? I love gift cards, there is nothing like guilt free shopping!

People keep telling me that I don't LOOK pregnant...

well I'm afraid that is all about to change after what I found at Harmon's last night. (At least its light, or so they claim. Personally I think it tastes way too good to be light.)



Its like a grasshopper shake (One of my two favorite flavors...other is oreo banana), but like 100 times better because its hard ice cream with big ole soft-ish chunks of oreos. Yes this is the most delicious ice cream I have ever had, I raved about it sometime last year and have been looking for it every time I go to the grocery store. I was so happy last night, I bought the only two cartons they had and am going back today to see if they have more. Yes, I have already eaten one of them, in less than 24 hours. Told you I could do it.

It's no longer an it's...

Did I Mention....

We are buying our first home!!!! I'm so excited, you have no idea...or maybe you do. I have been researching buying a condo/home for the past two years, and I can't believe we are finally in a position to be able to do it. It was well worth the wait because its such a great time to buy, we were able to find a beautiful home in Daybreak (South Jordan), for much less than it would have been if the market were up. We are buying it from the bank as a short sale, which means it was foreclosed on and they are selling it for less than was owed on it, so we're walking into instant equity. It has been a little longer process than normal because we are getting it from a bank, but it looks like it will be definitely worth it. Its 3,250 square feet, which is HUGE for our first home. Especially compared to the 425 square foot apartment we spent the first two and a half years of marriage in at the University Village. It has a full unfinished basement that we can finish up one day when we need it, but for now we will be just fine using it as storage. Its three bedrooms, 2 bath with a big bonus room over the garage. We don't know what were going to do with the bonus room other than put our big ol' love sac in there! We had an inspector check it out and he was EXTREMELY positive about it. He said he on a scale of 1-10 he would give it a 9.8 and the minor flaws he found are things we can fix for almost no cost. The plan is to close on March 11th, so we should be able to move in that weekend. Wayne hates packing, which is just fine because I'm so pumped I don't mind packing everything, just as long as he will haul it all.

I am so excited to live in Daybreak too! I've had my eye on this development for a couple of years. It reminds me a lot of the neighborhoods back in Virginia that I absolutely love. I just love all the fun looking houses, parks, sand volleyball courts, basketball courts, pools, tennis courts, lake, schools, and of course the new TEMPLE. Its just down the street! I also like the idea of not having a huge yard to care for. I grew up taking care of my parents GINORMOUS yard and planters and garden, and I swore I would never have one of those beasts. The only downside is that we don't have room for a tramp, that has always been a dream of mine! If you want to find out more about Daybreak, check out their website - www.daybreakutah.com

Here are some pictures of the house now, decorating
it will be fun but I'll need lots of help :)

I've been glued to HGTV whenever I'm home alone.
(Wayne doesn't appreciate it as much as I do.)

Living Room

(I love that there is tile that runs from the front door to the kitchen so the carpet won't gets all roughed up.)

Master Bedroom

Master Bathroom

Bedroom #2

(This will be baby's bedroom, its right next to the Master Bedroom)

Bedroom #3

500 Sqft Bonus Room

Dear Lexa

The other day I randomly came across a girls blog that I know through other friends, but I've never actually met her. I read something on one of her posts that made me feel kind of bad that she felt that way, and I've been thinking about it all week and what I would say to her if she were a close friend. I was bored today so I typed it up and now I'm going to share it with you. Not really sure why, but I've already typed it so why not ehh. Its really long, so unless you've got a lot of time you might not want to read it. Let me know what you think and what your thoughts are on the subject please. Thanks.

Oh yea, her name isn't really Lexa.

Dear Lexa,

I read the entry on your blog where you talked about wanting to get a nose job, and that you felt like you needed to do it in order to learn to really love yourself, because liking the way you look is a crucial part of loving yourself. I just had a few thoughts about that I wanted to share with you. First off, I think you are a beautiful person; I am solely speaking about your physical appearance, because I don’t know any more than that. In my mind I don’t see why you feel like you need to change your appearance. Now don’t get me wrong, I like you have things about my own appearance that I have either wanted to change or want to change now. That is something that pretty much every woman deals with, even the most beautiful, gorgeous person you can think of, still has those same issues. In the past few years of my life I’ve come to realize a few things and those are what I want to share with you. You mentioned the saying that is quoted quite often, “In order to love someone else, you must first love yourself”. I kind of agree with that saying, but I think it is more like, “In order to love someone else, and let them love you, you must not HATE yourself”. At least for me, that is something I had to do before I would believe that I was worth loving. Luckily this change in my life happened right before I met my husband. Okay, I know it wasn’t luck. I have never felt Heavenly Father’s hand in my life as much as I did during that time in my life, when I met Wayne and during our courtship.

Any way, about the nose job, I just don’t think that it will change your life, or the way you feel about yourself as much as you think it will. Truly loving yourself means accepting yourself for who you are, and who you can become. Knowing that you are a daughter of God that loves you more than you will ever know. He made you the way you are for a purpose and a reason. In his eyes you are beautiful, and there isn’t anything about your physical appearance that you could change that would make him love you more, because he already loves you as much as he can, and that is so much more than we can even comprehend. Those around you that love you, friends and family, they don’t love you because of the way you look. They love you for so much more than that. Think about all those you love, why do you love them? Is it because they are supermodels or have been voted the most gorgeous person in the world? I don’t think so; it’s because they know you and are there for you and would do anything for you. If you only “love” someone for their appearance, then that is NOT love. It’s nothing close to love, its selfishness and it won’t last. I have learned this concept so much more since I’ve been married. The more I get to know and love my husband, the more I am attracted to him physically. He is such a selfless, patient, fun person. His inner qualities mixed with the experiences we have together make him more physically attractive to me. He is a beautiful person on the inside and that radiates through and appears on the outside. It makes me want to be a better person, a better wife.

I also know a girl that I met in college that seriously is the nicest, most Christlike person I’ve ever met. When I look at her in person and in pictures I can see that inner beauty shine through her outward appearance. She is so beautiful, seriously in my eyes is the most beautiful person I know. I’m sure if someone that was wrapped up in worldly things compared a picture of her to a beautiful actress they would think the actress was more beautiful, because they are only looking on the outside. That’s the thing about the world…They are wrong. Their idea of what is beautiful and what is important is WRONG! It doesn’t matter what we do to change ourselves, to try and fit into what they world sees as valuable, we will never be good enough. They are looking for flaws, looking for reasons to hate you. That’s why it’s so important that we don’t let the world tell us what is beautiful, or what’s important, because they honestly don’t know. I mean that with my whole soul, they have no idea what beauty is.

When I think of beauty, I think of the Savior and the scripture Isaiah 53:2 “For he shall grow up before him as a tender ^aplant, and as a ^broot out of a ^cdry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no ^dbeauty that we should desire him.” There is not beauty that we could desire of him, nothing that could be changed because he is perfect, and through him we can be perfect to, and that is real beauty, being like our Savior, not looking like a Supermodel. I am so grateful for the gospel, and the knowledge that I have of a Heavenly Father and an Elder Brother Jesus Christ that love me for who I am, and for who they know I can one day be. What a blessing that has been in my life. It is something that I have to be continually reminded of, because the world and Satan, who is the leader of the world on their ideas, are always telling us different. That we’re not good enough and that we will never be good enough. But they are wrong, and I’m so glad I know that.

LIL' UTES

On Saturday Wayne and I, Rick and his two boys Jackson and Carson went to the University of Utah vs New Mexico basketball game. It was a pretty exciting game and we ended up winning by one point. I had to post this video of my nephew Carson, he is not quite one and a half. I laughed so hard while he was doing this, because usually out in crowds he's pretty shy. Its funny because we went to the Utah/BYU game on Tuesday and he just sat quietly in his chair watching the game very intently. Then for the first half of the game on Saturday he sat on my lap doing the same thing. Then he and his bro went and sat in the seats in front of us and he just busted out of his shell and started really getting into it!


My favorite part is when the crowd spells out U-T-A-H and he throws his right arm up at the perfect times.

They both cheered so hard, they didn't even get to see the outcome of the game. This is what they looked like when the 4th quarter rolled around.


My family really knows how to train these little fans, on both sides of the coin. If you try to get my niece say, "GO UTES", she screams (and I mean SCREAMS) "GO COUGARS!!!".

In case you haven't heard...

But if you've seen or talked to my Grandma Ruth in the last few weeks, you have. (She's the best word - getter - out - there I know:)

WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!

August 4th is the due date. I'll let you know when we know if its a boy or a girl. It's funny because when I talk about "it" I say she and Wayne calls it the little guy, so we have to be sure to refer to it as "the little one". (Calling my baby IT just doesn't seem right. :) We'll be happy with either, but it will be exciting to see what we're having. I've already been told, "You're having a girl, I can just tell", and "I'm pretty sure you're having a Boy". Ha ha. Someone is going to be wrong.

Here's what Wayne sent out to his family to announce the news!