So looks like its been exactly one year today since I posted on this blog. I've been trying really hard to keep our family blog and Adoption blog up to date, with three little ones, thats about all the motivation I could muster. Today I just watched a mormon message that has meant a lot to me in these past months since bringing Jaymi home. I wanted to write my feelings here so that I can come back and read them when I need to hear them again.
I can sure relate to that current bush these days. In the midst of our adoption I felt like I was making such progress spiritually as we followed promptings and trusted in the Lord and saw many miracles unfold in bringing Jaymi home. It was a very special time in our life, one that I'm grateful for the many lessons I learned. I'm grateful that I wrote many of the experiences down on our blogs so I can return to read them and remember them.
After the initial fanfare of us getting home and we tried to establish our new life as a family of five, things started to really get hard. I, like the current bush, felt like I was being cut down. I felt alone and sad. I just couldn't find the love for life that I used to have. Raising an older child was something I was not at all experienced at and the fact that she spoke and understood zero English made it all the harder. I have seen so many more faults in myself than I ever knew existed. At times I wondered why the Lord had led us to do this, I did not feel capable of the task at hand. Since those early days home, things have gotten much better. I still have difficult moments of stress, anxiety and fear, but they are fewer and further between. This message from Hugh B. Brown helps give me the perspective that my Heavenly Father would want me to have. These experiences are teaching me. Helping me to see the area's in my life I need to work on to become the person he would like me to be. I know I will one day look back and have a better understanding of this time in my life and hopefully use these experiences to help others through difficult situations. "Thank you, Mr. Gardner, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me". "Let us pray for his love inspired correction"
